From Vladimir Vuksan on Wed, 29 Oct 1997 08:59:33 -0700 (MST)
Nesto za vasu zabavu :-) ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Text item: >Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations > >REDMOND, Wash.-Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the >Department of Justice, Microsoft Corporation announced today it will be >acquiring the Federal Government of the United States of America for an >undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our growth," said >Microsoft chairman and CEO Bill Gates. "It's a positive arrangement for >everyone." Microsoft representatives held a briefing at the Oval Office with >US President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that >changes to US Government policy will be "minimal." The United States will >be managed as a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corp. An initial public >offering is >planned for July 4 of next year, and the Federal Government is expected to be >profitable by 1999, according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer. In a >related annnouncement, President Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly >and enthusiastically" accepted a position as vice president of USA Operations >with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government, >reporting directly to Microsoft chairman and CEO Bill Gates. When asked how >it felt to give up the mantle of executive >authority, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief." He went on to >say that Gates has a "proven track record," and that US citizens should offer >Gates their "full support and confidence." In his new role at Microsoft, >Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he >currently earns as US president. Gates >dismissed a rumor that the US Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly," though >he did say he would make executive decisions for the US government from his >existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates did say, however, that the >US House and Senate would "of course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a >democracy," Gates said, "yet look how well we're doing." When asked if the >rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, Gates would only say >that Microsoft doesn't comment on >unannounced products. Microsoft representatives closed the conference by >stating that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, >increases in government >services, discounts on all Microsoft products, and the immediate arrest of >all executive officials of Sun Microsystems Inc. and Netscape Corp. > >About Microsoft > >Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in >software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company >offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and >personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more >enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal >computing and mostly free society every day. > >About the United States > >Founded in 1776, the United States of America is the most successful nation >in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and >opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, DC, the United >States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation. > >"The United States of America" and "Microsoft" are registered trademarks of >Microsoft Corporation.Watch out for more...