From "Nordseth, Anders" on Wed, 08 Oct 1997 10:20:55 +0200
Message: BONA-205661 Nelson Mandela Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door.When he opens it, he is confronted by a little chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling: "you sign! You sign!". Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the chinese man starts to yell louder. "you sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Sod off." and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little chinese man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under nelsons nose, yelling "you sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little chinese man back, shouting: "Look, sod off you little chinky slanty eyed prick! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" then slams the door in his face again. The following day Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, hears a knock on the door again. Upon opening the door, the little chinese man thrusts the same clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!". Behind him are TWO large trucks full of car parts. Nelson loses his temper completely, picks the little man up by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?" The little chinese man looks at him a bit puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "you not Nissan Maindealer?" In Search of Global Unity The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similiar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no more trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.Watch out for more...