From "Nordseth, Anders" on Tue, 29 Apr 1997 16:43:43 +0200
Message: BONA-155082
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a
full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just
stands in front of the mirror looking at herself, asking him how
she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is again in front
of the miror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper,
and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.
They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife
stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she
asks. The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it"
Study up guys - there'll be a quiz on this later.
Politically correct usage when talking to/about females:
She does not:
GET PMS
She becomes:
HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL
She does not have:
A KILLER BODY
She is:
TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
She is not:
A BAD COOK
She is:
MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She is not:
A BAD DRIVER
She is:
AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED
She is not a:
PERFECT 10
She is:
NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR
She is not:
EASY
She is:
HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
She does not:
HATE SPORTS ON TV
She is:
ATHLETICALLY BIASED
She does not have:
SEXY LIPS
She is:
COLLAGEN DEPENDENT
She does not get:
DRUNK
She is:
ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED
You do not ask her:
TO DANCE
You request a:
PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE
She is not:
A GOSSIP
She is a:
VERBAL TERMINATOR
She does not:
WORK OUT TOO MUCH (does 'work out' and 'too much' go in the
same sentence... Just wondering))
She is an:
ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER
She does not have:
A GREAT BUTT
She is:
GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS
She is not:
HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
She is:
MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED
She is not:
COLD OR FRIGID
She is:
THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE
She does not:
WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
She is:
COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED
She does not have:
A GREAT RACK
Her breasts are:
CENTRALLY LOCATED
She will never:
GAIN WEIGHT
She will become:
A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER
She is not:
A SCREAMER OR MOANER
She is:
VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
She does not:
SHAVE HER LEGS
She experiences:
TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION
She does not have:
A HARD BODY
She is:
ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE
She does not:
SUN BATHE
She experiences:
SOLAR ENHANCEMENT
Her breasts will never:
SAG
They will:
LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD
She does not:
SHOP TOO MUCH
She is:
OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS
She does not:
CUT YOU OFF
She becomes:
HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE
She does not have:
BIG HAIR
She is:
OVERLY AEROSOLED
She does not:
SNORE
She is:
NASALLY REPETITIVE
She does not:
GET DRUNK
She becomes:
VERBALLY DYSLEXIC
She does not have:
BIG HOOTERS
Her:
CUPS RUNNETH OVER
She is not:
TOO SKINNY
She is:
SKELETALLY PROMINENT
Watch out for more...