From "Tanja Weber" on Fri, 28 Feb 1997 19:50:18 +0100
Have fun, Tanja
\ /
"
(. .)
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Tanja Weber
Faculty of informatics and organisation
e-mail: tweber@foi.hr
e-mail: tweber@public.srce.hr
http://www.foi.hr/~tweber
http://www.hpt.hr/cbn/users/tweber (faster)
tel:+385/42/230 894
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The mind is a wonderfull thing to waste!!!
>> A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises
>in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old
daughter
>playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.
>> "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will
>never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked
out
>of the room, shaking her head.
>> The next day the father came home and heard noises in the
bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the
vibrator.
> >> "What the hell are you doing?!" he asked.
>> His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old
>now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever
get
>to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
>> The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a
>beer in one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the
football
>game.
> >> "For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.
>> The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm
>having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"
> >>
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Remember to follow directions closely!!!!!!!!
>>
>> One of the reps, traveling by plane, was in urgent need of using
the
>>men's room. Each time he tried the door, it was occupied. The
stewardess,
>>aware of his predicament, suggested he use the ladies room, but cautioned
>>him against pressing any of the buttons on the wall. The buttons were
>>marked, "WW", "WA", "PP", and "ATR".
>>
>> Eventually his curiosity got the best of him, and sitting there he
>>carefully pressed the first button marked "WW". Immediately, warm water
>>sprayed gently over his behind. This, he thought, was completely out of
>>this world. The button marked "WA" was next, and warm air completely
dried
>>his butt. Golly, he thought, the gals really have it make. He next
pushed
>>the "PP" button, which yielded a large powder puff patting his bottom
>>lightly with a scented powder.
>> Naturally, he could not resist the last button marked "ATR".
>>
>> When he awoke in the hospital, he panicked and buzzed for the
nurse.
>
>> When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened?? The last thing I
>>can remember, I was in the ladies room aboard a 747".
>>
>> The nurse replied: "Yes, you were, but you were cautioned about
>>pressing any buttons. Obviously you were having a great time, until you
>>pressed the one marked "ATR" which stands for "Automatic Tampon Remover".
>>"Your penis is under your pillow."
>>
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This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.
> I have these two talking parrots, but they only know how to say one
> thing."
>
> "What do they say?", the priest asked.
>
> "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to
> have some fun?'."
>
> "That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed. "I do have a solution to
> your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
> and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have
> taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your
parrots
> to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will
learn to
> pray and worship."
>
> "Thank you." said the lady.
>
> So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
house.
> The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying
> in their cage.
>
> The lady put her female talking parrots in with the male talking
> parrots and the female parrots said, "Hi, we're prostitutes! Do you
> want to have some fun?"
>
> One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and screams,"Put
> your Bible away Frank, our prayers have been answered!"
>
I hope you liked it,
Tanja
Watch out for more...